The frequency, location and parameters around medieval sex
Spoiler Alert: Almost never, only at home, and OMG the parameters!
I’m currently reading The Very Secret Sex Lives of Medieval Women by Rosalie Gilbert and while I’m only about 30% into the book, this thing is a PRIZE when it comes to the most bizarre sex facts around medieval times. I just finished the section where she details out the rules around sex during this time, specifically sex for married couples. Hold on to your butts, because this is fascinating. And hilarious. And so weird.
I think the reason why this particular section was so intriguing to me was because of the contemporary conversations around frequency of sex with married couples. What is normal? How many times a week are people having sex? These questions are Googled frequently and yet almost every professional I’ve ever seen speak on the topic shies away from making any definitive statements around what is “normal”. This is in stark contrast to what the norms were in medieval times because the norm, as you’re about to read, was hella infrequent.
In this time period the rules and regulations around martial boot knocking were all set in place by the church (shocker) and while the church knew that sex was required for procreation they definitely did not want anyone to enjoy it. Joy, pleasure, fun…none of those were acceptable reasons to bang. I know you’ll be shocked to hear that while the church had some very specific rules and regulations set in place, most of their concern was around women and the act of sex.
Without further adieu, here are the parameters in which adult, consenting, married couples were permitted to have sex:
Frequency
No sex on Wednesday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday*
Penalty for sex on a Sunday was 4 days of eating only bread and water
Note this is already 208 days out of the year that are off the table
No sex on Saint’s feast days (60 days a year)
No sex on public holidays
No sex during the 40 days of Lent
No sex during the 20 days of Advent
No sex during the 20 days of Pentecost
No sex during the week of Whitsun1
No sex during the week of Easter.
We’re now at approx 240 days out of the year where no one is getting any
A woman cannot have sex with her husband in the 8 days leading up to her husband taking the eucharist.
No sex while the woman is menstruating
If caught, 10-40 days of bread and water for you as punishment.
The concern here was that your child would be born with a myriad of diseases including leprosy, epilepsy or a much more awful prospect…they would be a red head.
No sex during pregnancy or breastfeeding
Note that some of the poorer women during this time often breastfed for up to 2 YEARS
Punishment for sex while pregnant was 20 days on bread and water, which ya know, is definitely not enough nourishment for a growing fetus.
Location
No sex in public
No sex in church
Breaking this rule results in 40 days of bread and water
While this one might seem like a rule we would subscribe to even today, it excluded the members of the clergy who were bumpin’ uglies despite it being against their oaths. Most of these documented cases were against the will of the woman involved, and only she received punishment.
No sex during daylight hours
How to have sex
The sole purpose of the act was to procreate. Do not enjoy it. Ever.
Missionary. That’s it, forever and ever.
Doggy style results in 10 days on bread and water
Definitely do NOT let the woman be naked
Make sure she has some kind of covering on her hair
It was believed during this time that if women were naked, and their head uncovered they would lose all the heat in their body and …die, maybe? I’m not sure but something awful might happen if she’s naked so better wear a hat.
We do know that many medieval people did not follow these rules, whether that be because they didn’t like them or more specifically didn’t like rules/laws in general. Not only was sexual assault rampant (especially perpetrated by clergy), but there were plenty of documented brothels and bawdy houses that definitely did not subscribe to this rule set. But the way society thinks about sex does not always reflect the way society has sex, amirite?
I am giddy with excited for what the rest of this book holds. Last week I received a copy of Kinky History by Esme Louise James, so if you liked this set of fun facts subscribe because Esme does not disappoint!
-JZ
If you’re a heathen like me, and don’t know any of the christian holidays, Whitsun (also Whitsunday or Whit Sunday) is for the Christian holy day of Pentecost. It falls on the seventh Sunday after Easter and commemorates the descent of the Holy Spirit upon Christ's disciples (as described in Acts 2). Thanks Wikipedia.