Can I interest you in a linen condom? Pt 2.
A pig gut has never sounded so delightful....
Animal Gut Condoms
Nothing sounds sexier, amirite?
While the linen condom didn’t really take off, the brilliant minds of the time had something else up their sleeves…the animal gut condom. This is where our rich prophylactic history gets really good.
Unlike the linen condom, we do have real live examples of the animal gut condoms, usually made from lamb or pig skin. The occasional fish skin condom existed but I think it’s pretty easy to see why this one didn’t last the test of time.
Listen to this shiz:
Dudley Castle, in the West Midlands of England, was an old ass castle even in the 1600’s when it had basically already been closed down. Then in 1642, it was reoccupied because there was a civil war in which soldiers were garrisoned within the castle walls. By the time 1647 rolled around, the war was over and a bunch of the castle was demolished and by doing so, created a very specific and condensed time capsule.
In the 1980s the castle was being excavated and while they were going through the long drop latrines they found gold… a sentence I’m not sure has even been written before in the history of time. Among the privies that the soldiers were privy to use, archeologists found 10 intact animal gut condoms. 5 good as new, 5 used… We’ve been flushing condoms for literally hundreds of years.
By the time we get to the mid-1600s, animal gut condoms are being mass produced and sold most often to the upper middle classes. Due to the intense, hands-on work it took to make these condoms, they were quite spendy for the time.
And speaking of how to make them:
Remove all the fat from the intestine
Soak in alkaline solution. Repeat #1 and #2 until clean
treat with brimstone (which possibly was a disinfect or preservative)
Cut to size, 6-9inches in length
Tie the end
Blow it up like a balloon (seriously) and then let it dry out
Sew or attach a ribbon to help keep it in place while being used
Here’s the thing though…you didn’t want that tied end. There were two kinds: a tied end and the naturally enclosed end. One was sealed by nature, one was sealed by a lady tying tiny knots by hand. One was definitely more useful than the other. Those sealed end condoms were more expensive due to the low supply of animal gut end pieces.
So here’s the good news:
These puppies were shelf stable. They would last a pretty long time dehydrated in your wallet. All you’d need to do is dip it in a liquid before your promenade through pound town and you were good to go.
Here’s the not great news (by contemporary standards):
It was intended that you would wash out and reuse these condoms several times before tossing them in the bin.
And remember how I mentioned that usually it was only the rich people who could afford them? Well have no fear, commoners! Those wealthy Casanovas would generously sell you their gently used condoms. Cool cool cool.
One more thing about that:
By the 18th century bawdy houses were buying condoms in bulk to prevent STDs and pregnancy, which was so very well intentioned. However, they were not only washing and reusing condoms, but they were also sharing them among all their patrons, therefore spreading around STDs in a most egregious way. Gross.
Who was making them
THIS IS THE BEST PART! Women! Women were making condoms and making a fortune while they were at it. I don’t know why this feels like such a victory for me personally today in 2024, but women really had the shit end of the stick back then especially when it came to money and autonomy. Hats off to them, but specifically two women, Mrs. Phillips and Mrs. Perkins who had quite a rivalry in the 1770s.
Mrs. Phillips was the O.G., she had been making condoms for like 30 years when Mrs. Perkins came along and began slandering Mrs. Phillips in printed ads. At one point she even claimed that Mrs. Phillips had died and an imposter was running her business. It was a cut throat businesses for real for real. These ladies had a team of women hand making condoms, street vendors walking around telling people about their products, selling direct to customers and in bulk to pubs and brothels. The 18th century version of the condom vending machine in the bathroom.
By the time the 1840s rolled around the rubber condom gets introduced. Within 10 years rubber condoms are being made to measure but they are comically thick. Imagine walking into your condom measuring appointment. I’m sure 1800s Kyle had a lot to say about “feeling nothing” in regard to his custom sized, chubby rubber.